Even In Death
by Wildfire1999
Summary: What if Shinji was pushed over the edge after his confrontation with Misato after the 4th Angel? A short one-shot.


Evangelion is owned by Gainax, Hideki Anno, and other people much richer than I. This is merely a piece of fanfiction and no financial gain will be made from it. In other words, I own nothing, so please do not sue.

This story deals with suicide, if that offends you, don't read. This is my first venture into writing fanfiction. If you have constructive criticism, please review, if you want to flame and tell me how terrible it is, then do not bother reviewing. If I receive too many negative comments from this, I will be taking it down.

--

He looked over the city landscape perched on the observation deck of one of the city's tallest buildings. It would only be an 80-story drop to the ground below. A mere 80 stories separated him from life and death. It was life and death the occupied his mind at the moment. He did not have much in the way of life experience, one would even call him boring and a coward, and they would be accurate. He knew this. He knew he went from his boring life in Osaka with his teacher to controlling a giant behemoth on a single word written NERV stationary. He came; he did as he was told, as a good little weapon should. When he stepped out of line to save his classmates, he was disciplined by his guardian, who was also his commanding officer, with a resounding slap to the face. Shinji Ikari was not one that could be called "deep" or "contemplative" however that is how he was at this moment, sitting on the open air, 80th story observation deck. He had ran early that day from NERV, he even had the foresight to grab a loaded Glock from the armory when he left. The security for the building tired to hassle him about the gun when he entered, however being the Third Child apparently did have some benefits.

It is now that he found himself looking around the city that he had saved twice in as many months. He looked down at the hustle and bustle of the city, the people living their lives attempting to be oblivious to the war that was being fought and their city was the front line. People attempting to be oblivious to the fact the 14-year-old children, caught between being kids and adults, and the worries and angst that comes with being a young teenager, had the added concern of having to control giant robots and save the world from "Angels."

Shinji never considered himself an especially spiritual person, however on this day he looked up to the sky and asked, "What ever deity is up there, be it God, Buddha, Shiva, Allah. whatever, why me? They obviously expected these things to come, why didn't they train me beforehand? If I am so important to these people, why do they toss me aside like a piece of rotten meat when I no longer suit mold."

It was rhetorical, he didn't expect an answer, however he began to think about those he had met once he came to Tokyo 3. He thought about Misato, her constant tardiness, excessive drinking, how he became her personal house elf due to his obsessive-compulsive desire for cleanliness. Sure, she provided a room to live in, but at what cost to himself. "She used me, just like he did; maybe not in as much of a manipulative or twisted way, but she still used me."

He began to think of his father. "No he is merely a genetic donor, no father abandons his child, only to call them back when they have a purpose for them," he growled to himself. "The Commander had to have known they were coming, why else build the Evangelions. However, if he knew, why didn't he have me trained to pilot the damned thing? He used me like a tool and I complied."

He looked out at the blue sky and began to think of an azure haired albino with red eyes. He had to admit she was very beautiful, even with her bandages. He thought, "The Commander used her as well. He used her to get me to pilot. He used her physically broken state to strike at my sense of what is decent. She appears to have no free will, as if she lives for the Commander, his will was the same as the will of God to her. I pray she can break free one day."

Shinji thought about the others, the bridge bunnies, Dr. Akagi, the sub-commander, his classmates, another thought entered his head, "They obviously need me to pilot that monstrosity, to 'save' them, but why should I. In the words of the 'Me' generation, what is in it for me? My life sucks more now than it did before, and it sucked pretty bad then too, why should I care if the so-called angels come and destroy the planet, in fact more power to them."

It was at that moment, Shinji made decision; he crawled up on the railing of the observation deck and balanced himself. He then took the Glock, turned off the safety and held it into his mouth, he wanted to make sure who ever had to identify his body had to work for it. "The bullet to kill my brain and the fall to break my body." He took one last look around pulled the trigger and was surrounded by blackness. Witnesses below heard a pop and then saw a sickening crunch as the Third Child's body slammed into the concrete sidewalk.

NERV came, statements were taken, mess cleaned up and appropriate punishments given for allowing the Third Child to take his own life, however things are not as they seem. Deep in the bowels of NERV a subject awakens, his skin has a white pallor to it, his formally cobalt eyes have taken on a shade of crimson and brown hair had turned a silver-gray. As his eyes flicker open two thoughts come to his mind, the first being "Another unfamiliar ceiling" and the second being he shouldn't be seeing anything, as he is dead. He gets out of bed, and shuffles over to a mirror and says and in yet another insightful thought states, "Even in death, I cannot escape."

--

Author's Note: I have seen the concept of Shinji dieing and him coming back as an angel hybrid like Rei in several differing formats, however I think that this different from others I have seen posted.


End file.
